Love and Light | Day by Day

The Metallica song that comes on the radio. A whiff of lilac that reminds you of her. Their favorite movie on TV. A blue Honda, just like theirs.

It takes something as simple as this, and all those memories come flooding into your heart. It can be overwhelming. All the love you feel for them rushes forth– with nowhere to go. Seeing that empty bedroom can be too much to handle.

For me, it was my brother’s clean t-shirts hanging on the drying rack in the laundry room.

How do we handle moments like these?

It comes down to baby steps through grief. Little chunks can help keep us from becoming overwhelmed. Sitting at the kitchen table with a lit candle can be a particularly “gentle” way to process your feelings. All you’ve got to do is sit there and let the tears come. Trust me: they will.

Staring at the flame is a way to acknowledge those emotions. It’s a start on your journey of grief.  After all, we’re not meant to “fix” this. Grief doesn’t work like that. We’ve got to learn to live with it.

We often need rituals to help in that process. Giving yourself mental and physical space to process grief is a step toward understanding your emotions – whatever those might be. It’s okay if you don’t know yet.

It’s not uncommon to hear stories of bereft spouses that can’t bear to live in the house where they built their life together. They sell the house, too hurt to look back. There are mothers who leave their child’s room untouched, shutting the door to create a time capsule of loss.

Wanting to run from such a great pain is understandable.

Grief is so hard because it’s not going away.

All you can do is sit down, breathe, and light a candle.